


a big blue dildo

by grumpyroosters



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: F/M, Fluff, M/M, North, Other, Polyamory, South, Suckington, Theta - Freeform, York, ai's are kids they go to the same school as junior, are all background characters, delta - Freeform, junior - Freeform, t for language and implications, the rating is really just for the title
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-12
Packaged: 2018-04-08 23:46:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4325484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grumpyroosters/pseuds/grumpyroosters
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this actually has no smut and is just pure fluff to put an end to my thirst for suckington.</p><p>"I work at the lost and found and does this thing seriously belong to you" au</p><p>there's hardly any talk about the thing and there's really no plot just pure fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a big blue dildo

**Author's Note:**

> okay its 1am and I've written this all in one sitting so please notify me of any mistakes, grammar or whatnot. I just need more suckington okay and I like this au.

Wash stared at it. He couldn't not look at it. He paced around the little space behind the counter, worked on his computer, listened to music, and yet he found that he couldn't stop his eyes from wandering to that _thing_. When he joined the police, he didn't expect to be stuck at the lost and found but the rookie gets no choice. Business was boring, he usually watched over wallets, watches, and other valuables but the very accurate, very _blue_ dildo sitting in the basket made his day pretty interesting. Who would be stupid enough to even use it in a public swimming pool of all places and leave it there?

Wash's answer came through the door talking angrily on his cellphone. The dark skinned man, seeing that Wash was about to introduce himself, held a finger up and mouthed 'hold on' and went back to talking on his phone. Wash was intrigued by the conversation and decided to take the time to listen in on it.

"No Kai, I'm not saying its a big deal its just-Yeah I know its happened before _but that doesn't mean_ -okay okay yeah that _was_ fun-hey! Stop trying to change the subject, why can't you get it? I thought North was supposed to watch the kids? … Really, South? Again? Alright, but you owe me big time for this though. Yeah, bow chicka bow wow."

Wash recalled North mentioning another kid that Theta and Delta played with a lot in school who's father happened to be the serious relationship of Kai's. It started out as a hang-and-bang relationship for a year that turned serious a couple weeks ago when Kai started referring to him as her boyfriend, a term which she never used. According to North he was incredibly handsome and Wash had to agree with him on that. His dreadlocks draped on his shoulders like silk and the man had a jawline that could cut steel. If Wash remembered correctly his name was something like Tucker.

"Hi, looking for something?" Wash berated himself. _Of course he's looking for something, stupid. Why would he come to the lost and found otherwise?_

Tucker paused and chuckled. "Nope. Just looking for free things for my entertainment." He paused. "Bow chicka bow wow."

Wash knew exactly why Kai liked him.

"I'm Lavernius Tucker. You're Wash right? Kai's told me a lot about you." Lavernius gave him the up-and-down check out that left Wash feeling exposed. "She said you were a hot cop but she never told me you were cute."

Wash could feel the heat rise to his cheeks and cursed his genes for making him so pale with so many freckles so that he could never hide his emotions without a mask. He recollected himself and cleared his throat.

"So did South get arrested again? That would make it the third time this month which means York owes me ten bucks."

Lavernius made an awed expression. "You made a bet with  _York_? Do you value your possessions at all?"

It was Wash's turn to laugh. Lavernius didn't hide his emotions and he found it cute okay, so sue him. "Well, to be honest, its an easy bet and he made it when he was drunk. He's just too much of a stubbon asshole to not back out of a stupid bet like this." Wash smirked. "And I'm the clever asshole who gave him two bottles of champagne."

Lavernius threw his head back and laughed. Then he looked at Wash and Wash noticed the crinkles around his eyes and the dimples near his mouth created by the smile that could probably cure diseases. He saw the light reflecting off his tears from laughing too hard and he saw the dark-chocolate coloured irises that made Wash just want to eat him up then and there. But he was sent off the edge when Lavernius gave a smirk and said "You're one evil motherfucker."

Wash face turned as red as a tomato and he blurted out "Wanna go out sometime?" before he could think.

Lavernius jumped back a little, surprised at the sudden invitation. When his mind processed what he had just heard, he sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Kai's gonna be piiiiiisssed," He said, stretching out the vowel. Wash, realizing what he had done, hurried to apologize but was cut off by Lavernius. "She totally wanted to get to you first."

Wash was shocked, confused, and relieved that he hadn't just made a fool of himself. After a moment he spoke, "You and Kai aren't dating?"

The dark-haired man hurriedly corrected him, "Oh no, no, we  _are_. Its just that we have an open relationship. Have you heard of polyamory?"

Wash nodded. Lavernius explained it anyways.

"Its when there's more than 2 people in a relationship. Kai and I are both polyamorous and that's caused a lot of conflict in our past relationships. We've actually been together for quite a while but she didn't know how everyone would react to the whole polyamory thing so she told everyone that the relationship was purely physical. And while there is _definitely_ physical exercise in our relationship, bow chicka bow wow, there's romance and feelings in there too. Do you get the idea?"

Wash nodded again. "Even though I'd never personally thought of it, the idea of polyamory isn't new to me."

Lavernius sighed in relief. His shoulders sagged and he Wash hadn't noticed how tense he was until he visibly relaxed. Wash cleared his throat and Lavernius looked back at him.

"Why did she admit to you being her boyfriend a couple weeks back then?"

Lavernius smiled like a proudly. "Because she finally found someone she wants to date seriously, like me, and after meeting you, I gotta say I'm with her on this one."

Wash cursed his genes yet again for failing to hide his emotions and was too embarrassed to look him in the eye. Luckily Lavernius's phone rang just at the right time.

"Hey babe, what's up? He _what_? Alright I'll be there in ten." He hung up the phone and looked at Wash apolegetically, "Listen man I'm sorry but Junior ate some glitter glue and has to be taken to the hospital so uhhh-" He patted his pockets and found a pen. Lavernius grabbed Wash's hand and wrote his number on the back of it and all Wash could think of was _he's holding my hand he's holding my- am I sweating? I feel like I'm sweating- oh my god what if my hand is sweaty- but it doesn't feel wet and he doesn't feel wet- okay Wash get your mind out of the gutter now-_

But Lavernius let go eventually and Wash made a noise of disapproval. Lavernius chuckled. "You know, I won't have time to get what I came for so you can always drop in off at Kai's place. Then we can hold a little more than just hands, if you know what I mean. Bow chicka bow wow." He winked which sent Wash rolling his eyes and smiling. The smile faded when he remembered what the man came in for and just as Lavernius ran out the door, the blonde called out, "Wait! I don't even know what you came here for!"

Lavernius turned back and shouted, "THE BIG BLUE DILDO!"

Unfortunately, the rest of his co-workers heard and there was an unspoken rule to not ask Wash about his habits outside of work.

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: okay so I don't actually know what happens when you eat glitter glue I just needed an emergency for tucker okay
> 
> thanks for reading! review please :)


End file.
